<<if $ant eq true>>A metal stake serves as a makeshift antenna.<br><<endif>>/%$fmw $fmx $fmy $fmz%/\n<<textbox "$sta" "Enter a station number">> \n\n<<click "AM">>\n\n<<if $ant neq true and $sta neq $ama>><<replace "#cast">>You'll need an antenna and valid station number to pick up the distant AM signals.<<endreplace>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $ant neq true and $sta eq $ama>><<replace "#cast">>That's a valid AM station, but you'll need an antenna to pick up the distant AM signals.<<endreplace>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $ant eq true and $sta neq $ama>><<replace "#cast">>You scan the AM band...vampire...warlord...fluttering his cape....torturer...Impaler. You'll need to hone in on a specific station to hear the whole broadcast.<<endreplace>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $ant eq true and $sta eq $ama>><<replace "#cast">><<print either("Vlad the Impaler, six-hundred-year-old vampire, has refused to pay the phone company on the grounds that such newfangled technology doesn't actually have fangs. To see if the vampire is lurking in YOUR area code, tune in to $fmy FM","Vlad the Impaler, the undead fugitive warlord and torturer also known as Dracula, is on the run from cable companies after refusing to pay his television bills, including a charge for 'Drac-Ooh-La-La', a late night pay-per-view film best left to the imagination. To see if the Count is lurking in YOUR neighbourhood, turn that dial to $fmx FM","Count Dracula's interview with British media will not be appearing in the Daily Mirror. For local weather, listen to $fmw FM","Dracula, or, formally, Vlad the Impaler, has sued the electrical companies for promoting solar energy. 'Sunlight is just not a safe alternative', said the well-dressed night owl, fluttering his cape. The electrical companies have launched a countersuit against the Count in a suit. For local news, listen to $fmz FM")>>\n\n<<endreplace>>\n\n<<endif>>\n\n<<endclick>>\n\n\n\n\n\n<<click "FM">>\n\n\n\n\n\n <<if $sta eq $fmx>><<replace "#cast">>Several pounds of candy were stolen from a corner store this morning. 'He had a bootlegged copy of the Nosferatu soundtrack in his hooves,' the proprietor said. 'I remember that. I remember thinking, what kind of freak listens to a soundtrack from a silent movie?'<<if $track.indexOf("cdx") lte 0>><br>***The Nosferatu soundtrack has been added to the CD tray***<<set $track.push("cdx")>><<endif>><<endreplace>>\n\n<<elseif $sta eq $fmy>><<replace "#cast">>Paper-mache products were stolen from a party store this afternoon. 'It's sad, just sad,' said the owner. 'But what really crushes me is the theft of our Monster Mash-Up audio CDs. 'What kind of twisted person steals music in person when they can download it online?'<<if $track.indexOf("cdy") lte 0>><br>***The Monster-Mash-Up CD has been added to the CD tray***<<set $track.push("cdy")>><<endif>><<endreplace>>\n\n<<elseif $sta eq $fmz>><<replace "#cast">>A local laundromat lost a pair of socks this evening in an eat-and-run incident. The perpetrator is believed to be a goat or gazelle of some sort. <<if $track.indexOf("cdz") lte 0>><br>***A pair of socks has been added to the CD tray***<<set $track.push("cdz")>><<endif>><<endreplace>>\n\n<<elseif $sta eq $fmw>><<replace "#cast">>It'll be a clear Hallowe'en night with zero percent chance of lightning. Bad news for anyone hoping to bring a monster to life in their lab. Stay tuned for DJ Meteorologist, who is experiencing "technical difficulties" in finding their Spooky Weather FX disc.<<if $track.indexOf("cdw") lte 0>><br>***Spooky Weather FX has been added to the CD tray***<<set $track.push("cdw")>><<endif>><<endreplace>>\n\n<<else>><<replace "#cast">>You nuzzle the dial through the local stations...stolen...and-run incident...suspect. You'll need to enter a valid station number to hone in on the FM stations.<<endreplace>>\n\n <<endif>>\n\n<<endclick>>\n\n<<click "ALARM">>\n<<replace "#cast">><<print either("Beep beep beep","It's $ama am","Wake up, sheeple!")>><<endreplace>>\n\n\n<<endclick>>\n\n\n<div id="cast">Radio output</div>

<<audio "trainclip" play >>Like a damsel in distress, Vlad the Impaler is tethered to a Frankenlope!\n[[...|Ungulator]]

<<if $pwr eq "fence" or $pwrx eq "fence">>The fence hums with electricity, thwarting your escape.\n<<elseif $pwr neq "fence" and $pwrx neq "fence" and $coins neq true>>\nYou step out through the fence, but you are stopped by a horde of junior debt collectors.<br><br>\n\n"Just give us the money, Vlad the Impaler! You can't disguise yourself as an impala forever!" <br><br>\n\n<<if visited("bleat") eq 0>>\n\nYou let out a [[bleat]]<<else>>You let out a bloodcurdling <<click "bleat">><<audio "bleat1" play>><<endclick>> in protest.<br><br>\n\n"I've mistaken you for someone else? Yeah, sure, and this is an off-Broadway performance of the Lion King. Pay up!"<br><br>\n\nYou can [[back off|home]] or try and [[headbutt the kid]].<<endif>>\n<<elseif $pwr neq "fence" and $pwrx neq "fence" and $coins eq true>>One of the debt collectors--really just a trick-or-treater--scoops up your chocolate coins. "Thanks, Mister. This was all for a good deed, [[see]]?" The child holds up a UNICEF box.\n<<endif>><<plug>>

[[title card|http://www.copycatfilms.com/bloggin/silent-movie-title-card-free-download/]] Frank N. Abbott\n[[ram skull|http://onimusha666.deviantart.com/art/Ram-skull-159728686]] onimusha666\n[[02424-monster-moans|http://www.freesound.org/people/robinhood76/sounds/124387]] robinhood76\n[[20080103-tearing-05|http://www.freesound.org/people/dobroide/sounds/46281]] dobroide\n[[lightning-strike|http://www.freesound.org/people/parnellij/sounds/74892]] parnellij\n[[blood-sucker|http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/268499]] bernuy\n[[chew-food|http://www.freesound.org/people/philip1789/sounds/244370]] philip1789\n[[coins-fall-into-coins|http://www.freesound.org/people/sir-smith/sounds/64329]] sir-smith\n[[electric-buzz-shock|http://www.freesound.org/people/visualasylum/sounds/329778]] visualasylum\n[[electric-humming-sound|http://www.freesound.org/people/mrauralization/sounds/187931]] mrauralization\n[[electric-zap|http://www.freesound.org/people/benjaminharveydesign/sounds/315918]] benjaminharveydesign\n[[fm-radio-tuning|http://www.freesound.org/people/mrauralization/sounds/269702]] mrauralization\n[[knock|http://www.freesound.org/people/ijerry2595i/sounds/316601flac]] ijerry2595i\n[[massiveblast|http://www.freesound.org/people/daveincamas/sounds/58507]] daveincamas\n[[sheep-bleating|http://www.freesound.org/people/zaem/sounds/362283]] zaem\n[[train-upon-us|http://www.freesound.org/people/markedit/sounds/157873]] markedit\n[[vampire-bites|http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/268501]] bernuy\n[[werewolf-bites|http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/268505]] bernuy\n[[zombies-ambient-immolation|http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/277475]] bernuy\n[[fm-radio-tuning-sweep|http://www.freesound.org/people/davidbain/sounds/259706]] davidbain\n[[monster-insane-laugh|http://freeosund.org/people/str4ngs/sounds/76455]] str4ngs\n\n/% title card http://www.copycatfilms.com/bloggin/silent-movie-title-card-free-download/\nram skull http://onimusha666.deviantart.com/art/Ram-skull-159728686\n02424-monster-moans http:\n//www.freesound.org/people/robinhood76/sounds/124387\n20080103-tearing-05 http://www.freesound.org/people/dobroide/sounds/46281\nlightning-strike http://www.freesound.org/people/parnellij/sounds/74892\nblood-sucker http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/268499\nchew-food http://www.freesound.org/people/philip1789/sounds/244370\ncoins-fall-into-coins http://www.freesound.org/people/sir-smith/sounds/64329\nelectric-buzz-shock http://www.freesound.org/people/visualasylum/sounds/329778\nelectric-humming-sound http://www.freesound.org/people/mrauralization/sounds/187931\nelectric-zap http://www.freesound.org/people/benjaminharveydesign/sounds/315918\nfm-radio-tuning http://www.freesound.org/people/mrauralization/sounds/269702\nknock http://www.freesound.org/people/ijerry2595i/sounds/316601flac\nmassiveblast http://www.freesound.org/people/daveincamas/sounds/58507\nsheep-bleating http://www.freesound.org/people/zaem/sounds/362283\ntrain-upon-us http://www.freesound.org/people/markedit/sounds/157873\nvampire-bites http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/268501\nwerewolf-bites http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/268505\nzombies-ambient-immolation http://www.freesound.org/people/bernuy/sounds/277475\nfm-radio-tuning-sweep http://www.freesound.org/people/davidbain/sounds/259706 %/\n\nRevised Sat Oct 29 15:34:08 2016

There is a [[mail slot]] and a [[doorknob]].

<<if $pwrx eq "doorknob">>Frankenlope #2 twitches to life, and pushes the door open from the other side. It steps into the Ungulator harness.<<if $pwr neq "Ungulator">>Frankenlope #1 lies still, in need of its own power source.<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $pwrx neq "doorknob">> \n\n<<if visited() lte 3>>It rattles, but you can't turn a doorknob with your hooves. Hooves are much better for closing doors than opening them.<<endif>>\n<<if visited() gt 3>>As you paw at it, you notice a wire running from the doorknob through the mail slot, to Frankenlope #2.<<endif>>\n<<if visited() gte 5>>You closely retrace the path to the doorknob.<<endif>>\n<<if visited() gte 7>>You can't connect the power cord to the doorknob, but part of the radio can produce an electrical charge<<endif>>\n<<if visited() gte 9>>Something in the CD player will react with the carpet to make a power source.<<endif>>\n<<if visited() gte 11>>Not the CD that sounds like thunder.<<endif>>\n<<if visited() gte 13>>Shuffling the socks on the carpet will produce static.\n<<endif>>\n\n<<endif>>\n<<plug>>

Years ago, the bloodshed began. It started with identity fraud.\n\nIdentity theft requires paperwork. Paperwork involves paper. Papercuts cause bleeding. Vampires drink blood. Therefore, only a vampire would steal the identities of the innocent.\n\nVlad the Impaler is that vampire.\n\n[[You are]] the innocent. [[You are]] the unfortunately named...

You lie down on the grass to rest. Of course it was. Everyone knows Vlad the Impaler doesn't //really// exist. Not anymore, at least. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Donate to UNICEF. Etcetera, [[etcetera]].

<<if $pwr eq "radio" or $pwrx eq "radio">>Ever since Vlad the Impaler began using your name on his telecom bills, you have been denied access to cable TV, the Internet, and even the most rudimentary of landline phones. <<if visited("supple") eq 0>>[[Only|supple]]...<<else>>Only the [[dials]] of this radio (and its built-in [[CD player]]) remain to be hoofnipulated! <<if $ant eq true>>A metal stake serves as a makeshift antenna.<<endif>><<endif>><<else>>The radio sits in silence.<<endif>>\n<<plug>>

config.disableHistoryControls = true

You are a hooved herbivore in a caged enclosure. There is an old [[radio]] in one corner and an [[Ungulator]] in the other. A long shag [[carpet]] lies on the ground. <<if $coins eq true>>A [[trail of coins|fence]] leads<<else>>You can leave<<endif>> through a gap in the [[fence]].

<<audio "tune" play>>Only the dials of this radio remain to be hoofnipulated! \n[[...|radio]]

Vlad the Impaler is in a sickly state. His skin is flaking off like confetti. His innards rattle when he moves. At times a wandering youth debt collector will reach through the fence and prod him with a stick.

<<audio "tear" play >>Vlad the Impaler...pinãta all along?\n[[...|run]]

The carpet leads to a [[door]].\n

The debt collector misses you, and jabs the metal stake into the radio. That should serve nicely as an [[antenna|radio]].\n

<<if $pwr eq "Ungulator" or $pwrx eq "Ungulator">>\nThe Ungulator is a historically accurate torture device, pioneered by Vlad the Impaler himself. He would tie his victims to two hooved animals which had been trained to run in opposite directions.<br><br>\nMonths ago, you kidnapped [[Vlad the Impaler]], and now you intend to give the torturer a taste of his own medicine. <<if visited("distress") eq 0>>[[Now|distress]]<<else>>Now, like a damsel in <<click "distress">><<audio "trainclip" play >><<endclick>>, Vlad the Impaler is tethered to two Frankenlopes!<br><br>\nYou need only tell the <abbr title="Graze Anatomy describes a Frankenlope as an admixture of hooved herbivores, including but not limited to goats, sheep, alpacas, impalas, horses, cattle, giraffes, deer, moose, zebras, elk, llamas, and tapirs. Of course, electricity is the really vital part"> Frankenlopes</abbr> to <<click "run">><<if $pwr eq "Ungulator" and $pwrx eq "doorknob">><<set $coins to true>><<goto "lives">><<else>><<goto "run">><<endif>>\n\n <<endclick>>.\n\n<<endif>><<else>>Two bodies are connected by a rope.<<endif>>\n<br><<plug>>

font[face="Bellerose"] {\n font-family: "Bellerose";\n}\n@font-face {\n font-family: "Bellerose";\n src: url("fonts/Bellerose.ttf")\n}

The mail slot is stuffed full of Vlad the Impaler's bills and junk mail, which have been wrongfully forwarded to you. Goons from the collection agency are waiting just outside your pen, waving figurative torches.\n\nThrough the slot, you can see Frankenlope #2 lying motionlessly.

<<audio "thunder1" play >><<audio "zap" play >><<audio "bleatmonster" play >>Like the proverbial primordial soup, the Frankenlopes LIVE!\n[[...|run]]

Vlad the Impala

<<audio "bleat1" play>>You let out a bloodcurdling bleat in protest!\n[[...|fence]]

<<widget "plug">><span style="color: #92FFFE">\n<<if $pwrx eq passage()>>\n🗲The statically charged socks are here. With just a touch, you can direct the static to \n<<if passage() neq "fence">> the <<click "fence">><<set $pwrx = "fence" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">><<endclick>>,<<endif>>\n<<if passage() neq "radio">> the <<click "radio">><<set $pwrx = "radio" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">><<endclick>>,<<endif>>\n<<if passage() neq "Ungulator">>the <<click "Ungulator">><<set $pwrx = "Ungulator" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">>,<<endclick>>.<<endif>>\n<<if passage() neq "doorknob">>the <<click "doorknob">><<set $pwrx = "doorknob" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">>,<<endclick>>.<<endif>>\nor [[leave the charge|home]] at the <<print passage()>>.\n<<endif>>\n<br>\n<<if $pwr eq passage()>>\n🗲You can chew the cord from its socket, and plug it into\n<<if passage() neq "fence">> the <<click "fence">><<set $pwr = "fence" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">><<endclick>>,<<endif>>\n<<if passage() neq "radio">> the <<click "radio">><<set $pwr = "radio" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">><<endclick>>,<<endif>>\n<<if passage() neq "Ungulator">>the <<click "Ungulator">><<set $pwr = "Ungulator" >><<audio "plug" play>><<goto "home">>,<<endclick>>.<<endif>>\nor [[leave it|home]] plugged in to the <<print passage()>>.\n<<endif>>\n</span>\n<<endwidget>>\n\n<<widget "trackT">> \n<<if $track.length eq 1 and $t eq 0>>CD tray empty<<endif>>\n<<if $track.length gt 1 and $t eq 0>><<set $t to 1>><<endif>>\n<<if $track[$t] eq "cdw">> Track <<print $t>> -- <<print "Thunder from Spooky Weather FX">><<endif>>\n<<if $track[$t] eq "cdx">> Track <<print $t>> -- <<print "Vampire from the Nosferatu Soundtrack">><<endif>>\n<<if $track[$t] eq "cdy">> Track <<print $t>> -- <<print "Werewolf from the Monster Mash-Up CD">><<endif>>\n<<if $track[$t] eq "cdz">> Track <<print $t>> -- <<print "A pair of socks">><<endif>>\n<<endwidget>>

<<if $pwr eq "Ungulator" and $pwrx eq "doorknob">>Like the proverbial primordial soup, the Frankenlopes LIVE! The Frankenlopes run, and Vlad the Impaler is torn apart with the sound of <<if visited("pinata") eq 0>>[[tearing cardboard|pinata]]<<else>>tearing cardboard. Vlad the Impaler..,pinata all along? <<audio "coins" play >>[[Chocolate coins|home]] spill onto the ground.<<endif>>\n<<elseif $pwr eq "Ungulator" and $pwrx neq "doorknob">>\nFrankenlope #1 drags Vlad the Impaler harmlessly around the pen. You'll need to find and power up Frankenlope #2 for this to work. As the old stampede saying goes--it takes two to trample.\n<<elseif $pwrx eq "Ungulator">>\nFrankenlope #1 drags Vlad the Impaler harmlessly around the pen. You'll need to find and power up Frankenlope #2 for this to work. As the old stampede saying goes--it takes two to trample\n<<elseif $pwrx neq "Ungulator" and $pwrx eq "doorknob">>\nFrankenlope #2 is stirring behind the door. You need to power on the Ungulator if you want to liven up Frankenlope #1 as well.\n<<elseif $pwrx neq "Ungulator" and $pwrx neq "doorknob">>Frankenlope #1 just lies there like a dead fish. Nothing is going to happen unless you connect it to a power supply.\n<<endif>>

/%<div class="runner"></div>%/\n<div class="trailer"></div>\n<<if tags().contains("noh")>><<else>><span class="homebutton">[[↺|home]]</span><<endif>>\n\n<<if $pwr eq passage() or tags().contains($pwr) or $pwrx eq passage() or tags().contains($pwrx)>>\n<div class="ovb"></div>\n<<elseif tags().contains("red")>>\n<div class="ovr"></div>\n<<else>>\n<div class="ovk"></div>\n\n\n<<endif>>\n\n\n\n

<<audio "suck" play>><<audio "graze" play>>...sprouting sprouts. Vlad the Impaler has turned into a werelettuce. \n\nYou strike, molars bared! You graze violently, sucking out the monster's clorophyll and leaving it an empty husk! For you are Vlad the Impala, the vegetarian vampire!\n\n<div style="font-family: got; font-size: 300%; text-align: center">The End</div>

/%<<print $track.length>>%/\n<div id="cast"><<trackT>></div>\n\n<<click "Play">>\n\n<<if $rep eq "nor">>\n\n<<if $t lt [$track.length - 1] >>\n<<set $t ++>>\n<<replace "#cast">><<trackT>><<endreplace>>\n<<stopallaudio>><<audio $track[$t] play>>\n<<elseif $t eq [$track.length - 1] >>\n<<set $t to [$track.length - 1] >>\n<<replace "#cast">><<trackT>><<endreplace>>\n<<stopallaudio>><<audio $track[$t] play>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $rep eq "one">>\n<<replace "#cast">><<trackT>><<endreplace>>\n<<audio $track[$t] play>>\n<<endif>>\n\n\n<<if $rep eq "all">>\n\n<<if $t lt [$track.length - 1] >>\n<<set $t ++>>\n<<replace "#cast">><<trackT>><<endreplace>>\n<<audio $track[$t] play>>\n<<elseif $t gte [$track.length - 1]>>\n<<set $t to 1>>\n<<replace "#cast">><<trackT>><<endreplace>>\n<<audio $track[$t] play>>\n<<endif>> \n<<endif>> \n\n<<if $rep eq "shu">>\n<<stopallaudio>>\n<<if $track[$t] eq "cdz">>\n<<replace "#cast">>You shuffle the socks on the carpet, building up an [[electrical charge|radio]].<<endreplace>>\n<<set $pwrx to "radio">>\n<<else>>\n<<replace "#cast">>The player spits the discs out onto the [[carpet]], forcing you to reload them from memory. "It's a feature, not a bug!" says the newsreader.<<endreplace>>\n<<endif>>\n\n\n<<endif>>\n\n\n\n\n<<endclick>>\n<br>\nNormal <<radiobutton "$rep" "nor" checked>><br>\n🔂 Repeat One <<radiobutton "$rep" "one" unchecked>><br>\n🔁 Repeat All <<radiobutton "$rep" "all" unchecked>><br>\n🔀 Shuffle <<radiobutton "$rep" "shu" unchecked>><br>\n📻 [[Radio|radio]]

<<audio "bleat1" play>>\n<span style="font-family: got; font-size: 300%">Vlad the Impala</span>\nA Locked-Room Tale of Mistaken Identity\nby Pumpkin B. Parjeter\nCreator of [[Dr Sourpuss|http://ifdb.tads.org/viewgame?id=5torplpwdtjlbdlo]]\n<span class="begin">[[Begin|home]]</span>\nWith Sound Effects From [[Freesound.org|Media Credits]]

<<audio "knockx2" play >>There's a [[knock]] at the door.\n\nAnd another [[knock]].

font[face="got"] {\n font-family: "got";\n}\n@font-face {\n font-family: "got";\n src:url("fonts/got.otf")\n}

You're outnumbered and will never win. One kid from the collections agency brandishes a [[metal stake]] and charges at you. You can dodge towards the [[Ungulator]], the <<click "radio">><<goto "antenna">><<set $ant to true>><<endclick>>, the [[carpet]], the [[enclosure|home]], or the [[fence]].

My God, it's the //real// Vlad the Impaler! He breaks down the door! "I vill kill you! I vill suck your blood for stealing my identity, you adversarial antelope!" he bellows.\n\nAnd as the light of the [[full moon|sprouting]] hits his body, he [[howls|sprouting]], sprouting...

Admittedly, a small [[metal stake|headbutt the kid]]. About the size of a knitting needle.

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by Pumpkin B. Parjeter

Graze Anatomy describes a Frankenlope as an "admixture of hooved herbivores, including but not limited to goats, sheep, alpacas, impalas, horses, cattle, giraffes, deer, moose, zebras, elk, llamas, and tapirs." Of course, electricity is the really vital part.\n